Not Solving the Problem...

I don't get a lot of sleep. Not because I don't try...believe me. This has been going on for almost ten years now and rarely do I feel sleepy during the day. I'll go on 4-5 hours of non-continuous sleep (20-90 minutes at a time) for a few weeks and by a few I mean six to eight. Then I crash. For 3 or 4 days. I still don't legitimately sleep at night, but my afternoon nap goes from 30 minutes to THREE HOURS. And night time sleep happens in longer segments too...occasionally up to 4 hours at a time. Holy Batman.

This is the beginning of a new cycle. I'm sitting here. At 2:20 am. I am not tired. Not in the least. So what the hell do I do to try and get sleepy? You might want to take a seat, I'm about to blow your mind.

Here's what I've done TONIGHT.

-I cleaned the bathroom floor. By hand. On my hands and knees. Every time I've done this the floor is gorgeous...and I'm still not sleepy. Fail.

-I organized all the baking supplies, spices and herbs in the cabinet. And made an inventory list. Not sleepy. Fail.

-I've been reading. Books. Various credible (and not so credible) news sources. Scholarly articles. Manuals (if I'm really desperate). Sometimes works. Not tonight. Fail.

-I swept, mopped and lysol-ed. The apartment. All of it. Now my apartment smells like shit tons of cleaning supplies. If the hour doesn't induce sleep, shouldn't the chemical fumes? No. Fail.

-ONLINE SHOPPING PARTAY!!!! Which means opening up a double digit number of tabs...filling 'shopping carts' with ridiculous amounts of WANTMUSTHAVE items...and then not actually purchasing them. I suppose this is more of 'quiet' game to see how much money I could spend in any one sitting if I had all the dollars in the world. It's sick. I can't admit this number. Noooot sleepy. Fail.

-Chug cup after cup of calming tea. Chamomile. Calming? Maybe? If I squint my eyes and try really hard. Fail.

-I have been returning emails. Dear God I hope the Chair of the MPS program I just emailed doesn't look at the timestamp and judge. Or question. Productive, yes...helping me get to sleep, no. Fail.

-Do. My. Hair. I swear to you, while most days at work my hair looks like a drunk ten year old did it, at 2 am...it's truly impressive the things I can create. A skill level that does not scream 'tired' even a little. Fail.

-I just made a very detailed tasks list for every day between tomorrow and the following Monday. They're all on pretty turquoise post its, lined up equidistant from each other on my desk. I f'ing measured.

And now I am writing. And watching RickRossTV on YouTube (oh yes, this exists and yes...it is as awesomely bad as you think). I have to stop writing for tonight. RickRossTV needs all my attention right now...total derailment. Shiny things. Rick Ross's hilarious beard. Big things poppin'...