Just Text PSYCHIC to 88376 for Your Personalized Reading.

Alright. I've been read. You know how you always walk past the Psychic Advisor window fronts, complete with crystals laying across some mystical swath of velvety looking tapestry nonsense (...the neon glow advertising PSYCHIC READINGS is what always gets me) and you scoff about the people who actually waste money in there, but secretly you're wondering what you'd find out if you dared to enter? Well. Today the psychic came to moi.

Work was slow this evening. Really slow. Painfully slow. All of a sudden this lady walks in...I greeted her, served her, made change for her and all of a sudden she bursts out with this gem:

"You have some really intense energy. Can I do a reading?"

Uuhhhh...why not? I explain to her that I can't actually leave the counter. This is a half lie...but I don't want to venture into the dining room and sit down with her right now. I want to guard my tips and stand behind my sweet sweet register that screams at me all day for INVALID SEQUENCE INPUT (what does that even mean?!).

I'm holding out my palms...she traces a sweeping arc from one hand to the other.

Verdict: My life line is very long. I'm going to live to a very old age. I'll die not of disease, but of natural causes.

Thoughts (internal of course): Sweet success body! Nevermind the fact that you've been rejecting yourself, destroying yourself and causing all manner of medical conundrums for the past 23 YEARS...we're gonna make it! Go team! We are going to LIVE!

Next she looks me directly in the eyes. "You have a smile on your face, but not in your heart."

GULP.

Thoughts: She sees right through me. She knows I think this is all a load of...hooey. She thinks this smile is totally fake. Really I'm just having a good day and I'm amused by the thought that I won't die of disease, and instead, of old age.

She goes on-"You have a deep sorrow. You spend all your time taking care of others and you don't want anyone to know when you're hurting inside. You often feel there's no one to help take care of you."

Thoughts: These are gonna stay between me, God and the psychic, thankyouverymuch.

"Relationship-wise, you care about someone very deeply. But there's more sorrow here. There's something wrong, something's not right. He's treating you badly."

Thoughts: Initial-Which person are we talking about here? Secondary-ACCURATE WITH A CAPITAL 'A'. Story of my dating life. Thank God I'm not the only one who's noticing this. For all the incredible guys I've dated out there that may be reading, I do appreciate you...and I'd also like to add that in telling my mother of this encounter she made sure to play devils advocate and bring up the fact that I'm apparently 'mean' to the boys who love me. I'm sorry.

Travel: Apparently, I am a free spirit (who woulda thunk it!?) and while I haven't had the opportunity to travel internationally much yet, I will be doing so a LOT in the future.

Thoughts: Awesome. No sarcasm here. Just pure, unadulterated awesome.

And finally...according to my psychic customer, I am about to go through some changes of EPIC PROPORTION.

Thoughts: Please let it be my big girl job. Please let it be my big girl job. Please let it be my big girl job!!!!


Final verdict: My reading was informative, amusing and totally vague. I'm so glad it happened. On a slow day at work. For free.