Creeping Up on the Come Up

Originally I was going to write about my aspirations to be Miss America tonight. That dream I once had...once upon a time. But then I realized that in light of the absolutely MOST ridiculous thing that happened today, there was no way I'd be able to focus on tiaras and talent.

I work out near home everyday. I generally go before work and on days I don't work, I try to go by 9 am...to keep some kind of a schedule I suppose. Today I slept until 10:30. It was like I was a dead person. I scrambled into my workout gear and headed out. I finished my workout around 1:30. This is relevant. At 1:30 in Manhattan, all the streets are packed with people, not only is it the middle of the day, its LUNCHTIME.

Sweaty and thirsty, I embark on my 7 minutes cool-down walk home. I've gone about ten yards from the gym when I hear a REALLY loud voice shout out "Damn that is GORGEOUS." I am a little shaken, and jolt out of my lovely daydream. I realize a homeless man is standing right in front of me, pointing at me and screaming this phrase over and over again...muttering some other things I won't mention under his breath in between. First thought: don't make eye contact. I get out my phone to make a call, and realize that people are now staring at me. A LOT of people. As I walked past my 'admirer' he has made acquaintance with my backside and is proclaiming LOUDLY about my "fine ass backside," also mentioning "I knew that was gorgeous, that is one fine body you have there..."

I am mortified (it takes a lot, but he's succeeded). A man and his girlfriend are waiting at the light with me...their mouths are wide open...I find myself staring at the ground. The light isn't changing, and at this point this man has been yelling for at least two minutes (no exaggerations here). I will probably never work out between 12 and 1:30 again.

And you'd better believe, when the light finally changed, I power-walked. So much for a cool-down.